I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
