Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
