so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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