that's an acceptable place to lick
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
