make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
