I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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