I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize