He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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