I like my sex mixed with concussions.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
