It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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