Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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