I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
