I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
