remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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