I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
