His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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