I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
