i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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