No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
