Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize