You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Less talking, more tequila
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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