At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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