I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
