trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
