My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
