you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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