im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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