even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
