Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
