Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
