i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
