i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
