chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
