Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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