If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
