In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
