The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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