"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
