this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
