1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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