good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
