it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
