I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize