no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
