don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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