I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
