what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
