what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
