8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
