Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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