we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
