You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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