that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
