I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
it's like iHOP with fire
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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