I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
