I want to have your abortion
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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