you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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