Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
