she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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