If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
