sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
