My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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