I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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