so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
