Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she looked like the before picture.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
this just has baby written all over it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
