MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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