Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
