benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize