I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
