the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
