i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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