What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
