Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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