I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just cut my nipple shaving
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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