the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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