Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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