Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
