3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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