I can text with my tongue
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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