FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
