Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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