There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
