what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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