you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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