They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
