There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
did i just pee glitter
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
