I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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