Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Even my vagina gasped.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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