you guys were way drunker than both of me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
