All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
