What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
