I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
