she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize