he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
