So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
