i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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