we made out on top of his cat.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
