Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
