bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
