So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
