that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
