I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
