why didn't you poke me back
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
