A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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