my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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