and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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