Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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