I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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