i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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