In the future we'll all be gay
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
