He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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