What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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