Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
