walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
