i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
