is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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