But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
