we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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