My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
